It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
