I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
