you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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