she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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