I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
