Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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