glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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