i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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