She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
