peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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