Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
