someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
