24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
