i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize