i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
