but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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