You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
