i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
