he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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