Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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