So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
