Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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