Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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