just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
