hell yes lets make some ravioli
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
