I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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