so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
