Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
