some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
