My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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