I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
