he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What a dumb baby whore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize