You're my little dorito
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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