wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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