Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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