I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
