Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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