I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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