I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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