I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
