fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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