Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize