After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
