i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
