i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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