So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
