Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
