I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
