oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
