I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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