I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
