hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
