I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
