i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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