spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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