i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
