dude i'm inner monologue high
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
