I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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