New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
