i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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