a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
