Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
