Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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