Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
