"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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