be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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