I wanna passion pit in your ass
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize