My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
