Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
