Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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