My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
